If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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