You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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