Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
