i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
