Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
