Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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