You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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