Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
