I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
