im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
