they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
