Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it's great music for shaving your balls
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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