do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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