The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
