Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
