i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
