life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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