My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
