He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
