My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
