did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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