I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
then he tried to convert me to islam
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
