If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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