He felt like a one man threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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