I just cut my nipple shaving
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
