She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
