forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
