His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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