im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
