I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize