i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
