i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.