Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dating After Heartbreak
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked