You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm at about main and main street
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.