And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
