NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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