You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
