i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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