Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
