I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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