How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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