sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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