i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
