Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
