i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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