So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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