Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
