Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
