friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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