2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
