I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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