i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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