Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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