I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
