I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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