Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
