the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
