jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
COCAINE IS GR8
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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