I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
