'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
