well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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