At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
