Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
