He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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