That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
