I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
