I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
