i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
