I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
