So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
