I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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