can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
