I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
