if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
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I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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