woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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