And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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