I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A bitchslap is in order.
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