I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
