his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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