READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
