At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
