dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
they need to just BURY HIM!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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