I think I died a long time ago.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
