Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
