I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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