There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
