I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
