Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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