i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
