dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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