She's JV to your varsity
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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