I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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