I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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